It’s partly the hormones, I know.  But for nap time today I was reading a sweet little book to the kids that I’ve read plenty of times, and today of course I got a little "verklempt" on some of the pages.

It’s called "Mama Loves," by Rebecca Kai Dotlich and illustrated by Kathryn Brown.  Our copy is from Scholastic.  The pictures are really cute, and the mama and children are even pigs!  Here’s the text from a few of the pages that I like best.

Mama loves       violets by windows.        Poppies and peas.       Lilacs and ladybugs        and listening       to me. 

Mama loves      porch swings and      small things.      Butterflies and bees.      Postcards and poems      and reading      with me.

Mama loves      raking in rows.      Sprinkling new seeds.      Roses in baskets      and gardening      with me.  

Mama loves      apples in autumn.      Sidewalks and leaves.     Sweaters and pumpkins      and walking      with me.

Mama loves      rivers and rope swings      Her feet bare and free.      Hiking and biking      and being      with me.

Mama loves      tin cookie cutters.      Cupboards and keys.      Berries for baking      and cooking      with me.

Mama loves      listening to music.      Wind chimes in trees.      Hot milk and honey      and cuddling      with me. 

I keep forgetting to tell this one.  A couple weeks ago I was at the grocery store with the kids, and I had just said to Caleb, who talks ALL the time, "Hold on Sweetie, I need to do some math in my head, and I need you to be quiet so I can think." 

Now, as a side note, most of you probably know that math is not my strongest skill, and that I don’t like doing math in my head.  But being married to the man I am married to, this occasionally gets embarrassing and a bit annoying.  So I will often force myself to try to do "simple" calculations in my head, and the grocery store (if I’m not too pressed for time) is an ideal place for this exercise.  So Caleb frequently hears me say, "Hold on, I need to do math in my head."

Back to the story.  Caleb, rarely being unable to keep his mouth shut for long, started saying over and over, "Mommy, you do maff in yo’ head?  You do maff in yo’ head?……"    Finally to make him zip it I said, "Yes Baby, I’m doing math in my head.  Now please wait a minute!"    Well, my concentration was completely blown when a grandmotherly- type stopped in her tracks as she was passing us and said, "Oh my goodness!  That IS what he said!  Did he really say, ‘You do math in your head’!?" 

So after I stopped laughing I had to explain to her that he doesn’t really know what he’s talking about, and it’s not like HE’S doing math in HIS head.  Maybe you had to be there, but it was pretty funny at the time. 

I never like losing an hour when we "Spring Forward."  But I DO very much enjoy that the children sleep for at least another hour.  This only lasts for maybe a week until they readjust, but at least it’s a few days.  This morning I woke up at 5:50 (ick!) and couldn’t stop thinking, partly about recent events.  So I finally got up, made eggs for everybody, made lunch for Tim, and got Caleb’s egg cut up just in time for him to come creeping down the stairs.  My sweet baby –who talks and climbs way too much to be considered a baby anymore! — was in his Pooh footies, sucking on a paci, carrying his blanket.  He came over to hug me (I LOVE hugging my sweet sleepy boys in their footies!) and started talking about who knows what.  He’s hardly stopped chattering all morning.  The cutest thing this morning was that he noticed my egg, which happened to have a perfectly round yolk almost right in the center of the white, and asked me if that "moon egg" was mine.  

In this family, you can’t hardly get away from the science.  Oh well.  I can’t say I expected it to be THIS predominant, but I can’t really say it’s a huge shock either.

It’s 6:30am, I’ve been awake since 4:45, and didn’t get to sleep until midnight.  I’m tired.  I’m thirsty.  I’m hungry.  I have a headache and I’m stuffed up.  I would very much like to remedy some/ all of these issues.  But I have an appointment with the OR and my OB/GYN in a few hours for a D&C.  (Most of you reading this already know this stuff.  This is obviously for those who need an update.)  My body has been sort of trying to have a miscarriage, and only having some degree of success.  So she needs to finish the job. This is my 2nd m/c, and it is no more fun than the first.  In fact, this has been worse — definitely.  This is also my 2nd D&C, but only the 1st D&C for m/c.  Not that it matters.    

Anyway, I feel like this is the right thing to do, even though surgery makes me a nervous wreck the night before and morning of.  I keep telling myself that I’m okay with it, and that God’s in charge and I trust Him to take care of me, and I trust my doctor, etc.  All of these things really are true.  So why couldn’t I sleep?  Why do I feel like vomiting?  Why do I feel like saying, "Oh never mind.  I’m sure I’ll be fine.  How ’bout I go out back and do some gardening?"  Maybe I have less faith than I want to think.  On the other hand (and I’m NOT saying it’s the same!) Christ didn’t really want to go to the cross.  But He also knew it was the right thing to do, and He trusted God.  But He sweated BLOOD.  I think I’ll be better off than He was (at least in the short term), so I’m good.

Well, time to go.  (But I’m not going to post this till after I get home.) 

A couple days ago after supper Ethan was coloring with his markers and commented, "I really love the smell of markers!"

I chuckled and said, "Yeah, I don’t know why, but most kids do seem to like that smell.  Just don’t get in the habit of smelling them too much.  The fumes are actually not too good for your brain."

He barely acknowledged what I had said, and then he went on to say, "But I REALLY love the smell of dollars!"

Oh boy.